Have I stopped writing my diary of an Ondo Kopa? Not really. I have just not been enjoying the experience to the extent of making me write. Gradually, I began to shrink from the company of people and found solace in staying alone. I felt betrayed by connection and found peace in the lovely embrace of films (My series have been helpful) and songs.
So what is making me write again? Maybe, I have found someone to make me enjoy the phase. I think I have traced the connecting line between people and experiences. Or maybe I am hoping for the therapeutic dosage that comes with fitting words together; thoughts into patterns.
I lost a friend (He didn’t die, I just don’t think we can get to that point again) that was closer than a brother; and it shook me to my roots. It caused rearrangement of boundaries and adjusted my orientation of reality. So much for thinking that TRUST was strong enough to withstand the barrage of hurts and hates. What makes the loss even more annoying is the fact that, these things would have been sorted if only we have talked about it before the last stroke that broke the camel’s back. It is so painful, that my system has resorted to default setting of “On My Own” and bridging the gap with the real truth is difficult.
But as the circle became smaller, the experience became slimmer. I will not say it is poorer, but physical interaction has been sacrificed on the altar of internal bonding. However, I think one of the major benefits of the service year is preparing you for new phases. I never thought a bond was strong enough to weigh me down this much; but this is another perspective of the diary.
Meanwhile, there is a new touch on the block. It has broken the leash, even though I am proceeding with care, so as for me not to get carried away by the drift. From the most unlikely source, a healing balm has begun massaging my ego –wounds. A lady has shown up to soothe the loss of a great guy. This time, I hope we talk it out and not leave any room for doubt.
However, have you ever been caught in this kind of web? Do you have a very close friend that a little fight that should have been settled is causing a bridge? What is your experience…let’s see maybe we can move this mountain together in faith. And again, do you think shrinking and staying back is the right move? Come to think of it, we have not really confronted each other on the issue but the fact that he could allow stuffs come between us is the major issue.
- Meeting is the easiest part in developing friendship that leads to brotherhood.
- Talk it out… never assume he/she should understand your limitations (What you can do or what you cannot do).
- When you hear something from a third party…confirm from your friend. Not everybody is happy about the bond.
- Keeping quiet does not always mean weakness…