In my head are the lyrics of Akon’s “Lonely, lonely, I am so lonely, I have nobody to call my own”, are you surprised? I know the song before now… haba calm down before you judge. Anyway, my feelings recently caught up with me in the race of life, causing a drag with a feel that in a way could be termed “Enjoy”, but with its own consequences.
Lonely is the word, but the feeling is something that cannot be explained. In the midst of many, you can be alone in your own world. One of the experiences that can capture this thought is staying away from someone you care about. My head banged, my heart raced beyond normal like bolt and my mind revolved around thoughts.
I really do miss her; I want to be around her. She strikes me as a completion of something good. Wow! Love is so powerful in all its form; ranging from the Eros to the agape. In each of its expressions, it can blow your mind, taking the decision making process from the sense (Logic) to the heart (Emotions).I am not thinking, but thoughts are running in my head. I am not busy yet I am tired. This feeling is so strong and I continue to search for what is stronger; Knowing full well that a journey with the heart in the driving seat does not always end well.
However, this remains a feeling! And as a spirit being, the normal is not the norm for me. I have the capacity to survive the thick turns of the emotional terrain with Gods spirit as my guide. I really want to but it’s not the best for me. I think I have to, but the strength remains physical. Every part of me longs for that breath but the best thing for me is to live like God wants me to. I do not deny the presence of my feelings but stronger is the work of grace in my system.
My heart skips a beat
While my eyes respond with a blink
That sometimes produces tears
I cannot just explain
I have been caught in a web
Struggle efforts get me more entangled
And I cannot trace how I got this angled
This lost but I am found
Where are you going to? My spirit shouts
I am in Love and I am following my heart was my reply
Maybe, cos I do not understand this turn
But from within me springs forth strength
Born out of the saving grace of my father
Long lost but lasting love
Has saved me from the look alike love